killing time

It's not true what they say that chocolate makes people happy. It's weird but chocolates really make me sad. Well not exactly sad...maybe wistful is the word. Everytime I eat chocolates you're sure to hear a deep sigh from me and I'll be in a pensive mood for the rest of the day.

Ate eight milk-chocolate coated hazelnut pralines today which father Bobby brought from Bangkok (Duty Free pala) and I'm feeling a tad too blah...Anyhoo, I'm currently in a slump becasue I've submitted all the six interviews to Fr. Jack and I'm waiting for the last transcript he is currenly proofreading to be returned to me. Hmm. humm.

Last Saturday while on a date with my laundry, I listened to the noontime show at NU and well well well.. Pedicab was in the studio and listeners could ask them anything so I immediately texted and asked why the hell does "Dito Tayo sa Dilim" sound like "No Limit" of 2Unlimited. You know, that early nineties song which goes "No no no no no no no no no no no no There's no limit!" Yeah, I thought you'd get that. So anyway, I asked them if they did this on purpose but said the song was astig (coz it really is. i never knew i'd like DUNK - Dance Punk - but yeah). Goddangit, the radio feedback became static so i changed the station into another one and continued scrubbing mud off my grubby trainers. By the time I remembered to get back to NU, I could only hear the last part of their answer to my question: "Pero sa tingin ko naman, kung may mga katunog yung mga kanta, hindi naman sinasadya ng mga gumagawa ng kanta iyon. Hindi naman na parang hoy pare, ayos tong kantang to ah, kopyahin natin, yayaman tayo dito." And they continued to joke about how new bands are branded copycats today in the Philippine rock scene. But I wanted to know specifically if they did copy 2Unlimited for "Dito Tayo sa Dilim"! Sablay. Dang-it.

Oh yeah, my dad, Kevin and I attended this franchising seminar by RK franchising in the afternoon. The seminar itself went okay. We learned the basics of franchising-- what franchisees and franchisors should know-- and we were also presented with possible franchises. I think it would be a long time until we will venture into another business. I felt proud though to be able to arrange this for my dad who has been complaining of being stuck in the humdrum Aparri to learn anything new, and for Kevin who needs these kinds of exposure as he is a management major. As for me, well I've learned not to deny the negosyante blood cursing through my veins. I mean, I don't think I can be a business person (mahina sa salestalk at walang kapalmuks para magbenta) but I am always interested with how certain business work. So it was a good learning experience.

After that we went to Tiendesitas, the new night market in Pasig. It's just a little past Eastwood when you're coming from Katipunan. I'll have to say it was the highlight of my day. It was shopping heaven. There were a lot, and I mean a LOT, of stalls that sell clothes, abubot, even plants, pets and furniture. Still, I was in no shopping mood so I only bought a string bracelet for 50 bucks. The best part is the ihaw-ihaw foodcourt where Kevin, Tita Rosa, Dad and I pigged out while drinking beer. Saya! There was even a stage and Jimmy Bondoc and an R&B band called 9th Avenue played. I dodn't care much for the band. I was busy eating pork sisig, bangus sisig, sinigang sa miso, pork barbeque and chicken isaw. Wowowee sa cholesterol! Nyaa.

Okay now, I think I've killed enough time. I'll email Tris and I'll get back to work. He alraedy agreed to download stuff for me. Yipee! Hehe, good luck sa kanya.

too quiet

In fairness, what I felt last night when I discovered that Let's Fun wasn't airing beat the feeling when I get extra dressed up for Kjwan and he doesn't show up. Distraught is the word, I think, to describe how I felt. This came with the realization how really pathetic it is to be worked up about a radio show enough to be flabbergasted when you don't hear it. Which made me feeling much worse. But I can't help it. Let's Fun is really, well, fun! It is! I've been looking forward to it since Monday!

So I dejectedly fixed myself a cup of hot choco just to assuage the pangs of being stood up. I texted NU's textjock about my deflated spirits and surprise, Andy Banandy actually replied. It was not a "thank you for texting NU" sms which I usually get, but a "hehe yeah i know, i look forward to the show too. but i'll try to keep you guys warm still. :)" Three rounds of messaging after, talking about the hot choco and whether it had mallows and how a sprinkle of pinipig will do the trick (just like christmas!), I stopped myself with a reminder that a message cost PhP 2.50 and part of why Andy was texting back is also to increase revenues for NU. No matter, i felt a bit better after. Goodness! The wonders of interactive technology.

Prolly the reason why I was extra looking forward to Let's Fun was that it has become too quiet in my world. Good friends are away and I needed wacky Quark, Diego and Andy with the special participation of Yang Tze, Pontri and Mr. Francis "Chiz" Moso to fill the stillness. I had no previous difficulty with stillness until now... which makes me worry a bit...(a 20-second pause)... Okay, enough of that. I'll save that worrying for later. It's just gonna be a week. I can do this. Okay, gotta get back to (loads of) work!

P.S. I liked Mojofly's tumatakbo video because it was cute and it reminded me of Shrek. And I thought that Sheila and the Insects video was also a good strategy because, uh, people would really really be turned off if they starred in their video themselves. But Rivermaya coming up with an animated one?! What's up with that? Sige, sige. Magpaka-gorillaz na kayong lahat, sige. Hay stress.

*Sing with me: Pinoy, iba ang pinoy, ipakita sa mundo kung ano ang kaya mo...Mang-gagaya ang pinoooy...

taray!

Today's Horoscope:
After months of wondering about how nothing guaranteed ever happens when it comes to your relationships, you'll have reached the point of believing that when it's supposed to happen, it will. This will mean trying to ignore your 'friends,' some of whom aren't, others of whom will feel the need to constantly remind you that you've been doing this to yourself. Your mission now is to remember that the only person you owe explanations to right now is you. That's it, and that's all.

-- which is just apt. My eyes are puffy and chinked up again from this mornings "ruminating". I slept as soon as I arrived home last night only to wake up at 2 am to devour two packs of lucky me instant pancit canton and consume a fag. Eeek! And I did this while finally making a table of the why's vis-a-vis the why the hell not's. The why the hell not's had it. Sad, but it's only rational. Explanation paid.

Hmm... Hummm.

You Are Chinese Food

Exotic yet ordinary. People think they've had enough of you, but they're back for more in an hour.

What Kind of Food Are You?

* Listening to Deathcab for Cutie's rendition of "Earth Angel." Tama ba naman iyon ang pampagising ko? At alas diyes palang tama bang inaantok na ako? Haybuhay...

* Hectic weekend. I thought it was gonna be a restful one since I had no NFP training session to supervise at Payatas. I slept 'til three pm last Satuday but I had to do my laundry. Just as i was rinsing the last batch (8 pairs of maong!!!) I remembered Kuya Jake's photo exhibit launch. My other cousin Kent texted me that they'd be going and that Tito Willy and Jerome was here. I texted Bettina and my brother and we trooped to J. Escriva to see the photos and our relatives. Asteeg talaga itong si Kuya Jake. I mean he does excellent fashion and travel photography but he also does great photojournalistic stuff. San ka pa? The event was also a gathering of RockEd volunteers. Sayang hindi na namin naabutan yung talk nila. May naiwan pang white band though so I got one. If you're in the area, daan kayo:

SANA ANO: a photographic essay by Jake Verzosa
DPI Photography Center
2/F Astoria Plaza, 15 J. Escriva Dr,
Ortigas Center, Pasig City

After that the gang went to El Pueblo para sa isang gulping spree. Puro bata kasama ko (i.e. college kids. Kent and his girlfriend Diana headed home because they had to go to the office Sunday). Bettina had wouldn't be allowed entrance to her dorm before 6 am. I felt so old but I couldn't leave them also so there I was, playing the role I'm most good at: nanay nanaman ako! Haha. Good thing I saw Madie and her San Beda friends. As usual, Madie was the life of the party. Needless to say, medyo may amats nanaman siya. Buti nalang mukha namang okay yung mga kaibigan niya. They went home around three. We went home a little after when Kuya Jake fetched us. We crashed at his place 'til 7am.

Sunday, I had to hang my laundry immeidately. 8 am tulog. 10 am, Tita Rosa calls and says she's in Katipunan (surprise!)and why the hell was I still in bed? Lunch with Tita and Jen, got my nails done at the salon. Whole day gallivanting sa Cubao. Dinner at Oyster Boy (Tsalap oysters, I want more!) 12 mn: dead meat.

thinking break (no yosi, blog nalang)

To write about something completely unthought of is uncharacteristic of me. I just have to do something today which involves something other than listening to interview recordings and transcribing them verbatim. I still have two 90-minute tapes to go but I think I need a break. I often need breaks during the day. That's why I stay late in the office to make up for the lost time slacking off. Before working at ICSI, I kinda thought I had a very long attention span. Turns out, I'm the type to do different things at once or I get really unproductive. I'd like to be a quick and focused worker but I simply am not. Something to aim at, I guess.

I learned something today. Well it's not really a new discovery. It's more of a confirmation of my own theories. That little detail merely put shady events from other people's lives in a neat timeline for my brain to analyze. Fuck. I don't know if I should be happy or not. It's already a sickness I guess for me to be over-analytical about myself and the people I'm interested in. Whenever I feel, I have to know why I'm feeling things. I have to know where they are coming from and if it's right to feel that way. The objectification of feeling sometimes kills it. Other times objectification only augments it. But the process usually takes long so much so that when I decide to act, the moment has already passed. It's like always getting to the platform just as you watch the train pull off. It's depressing if you thought about it, really.

I hate it that it's so obvious when I stay up late the previous night. My eyes get puffy and chinked up at the same time in the morning. I hate it more that it's so unobvious when I like someone. The problem with me is that I don't flirt. Theoretically, I know the things that ought to be done. I just can't get myself to do them. The tendency is to hide the feeling. I've been doing this for the longest time. I guess I do it out of habit. And now that I want to break free, things still don't just work out fine. With sarcastic jibes and crass statements issuing from my mouth, I expect to stay in the pare-hood level for a lot longer. To paraphrase one line from Mike Gayle's "My Legendary Girlfriend," I'd like to think that my obnoxiousness is part of my seduction technique but it isn't. It's sheer blatant crapness.

Why oh why wasn't I born male? Then I won't have to be sickeningly sweet?